My husband, Scott, and I call our current stage of life Phase 3.
It’s part of a totally unscientific formula:
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Phase 1- childhood to young adulthood
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Phase 2 – adulthood, which includes raising our
family
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Phase 3 - the time in between launching your
kids and retirement.
You could say it’s our version of the term empty nester,
but instead of having ‘less’ in our lives, we have experienced so much ‘more’!
Phase 3 has been filled with more of God, than any other
time in my life. Wait – stop – rephrase
that; Phase 3 has been filled with me trusting God more in my life. By his Spirit, an arduously forged obedience
was birthed from a fragile and immature trust.
That’s a mouthful, I know, but just when I thought I was heading into a
more sedate pace in my life, I discovered that God had other plans…, a “trust
and obey” plan!
A few years ago I heard that Mother Theresa had once told
a gentleman, “Don’t pray for clarity,
pray for trust.” Of course, don’t
you know that when I heard this I was impatiently waiting for clarity! During this wait, God wreaked havoc with my self-sufficiency
and undressed the illusions of my control.
Active trust was born when I dared to take a step into the unknown, into
the unseen, into a promise that my spirit felt, but my common sense trounced
upon. There’s nothing wrong with
clarity, per se, except when you’re paralyzed by its absence. I learned that waiting on clarity could cost you
more than what it would take to trust.
An aspect of trust is the firm belief in the reliability or strength of
someone or something. Who we trust makes
all the difference! Trusting God can be scary, but it’s always the clear
choice. Allow me to share the story of
how God rescued me from my common sense.
Phase 3 began with our younger son heading into college,
but it was also shaken up by some other factors. Scott was prematurely launched into
retirement; he said it was like standing at the edge of a pool and getting
yourself psyched to jump in, but then someone comes along and pushes you
in! For me, this phase was punctuated by
the absence of my speaking ministry. I
chose to gear up my hours at work which left less and less opportunities to do
any ministry, much less the MOPS circuit.
The first year I just really missed it, but by the second year that
‘missing’ feeling turned into a conviction.
God was making it clear that where I was, was not where he wanted me to
be. My heart knew it, but my wallet was calling the shots.
During the years approaching Phase 3 we had talked as a
family about one day moving someplace that didn’t have winter most of the
year! My oldest son initiated it when he
was in college, saying he had plans to move someday. I said, “Great, let’s all pray about where
that will be because I’m outta here too!”
This relocation journey took more than 5 years. There were scouting trips to many cities in Arizona,
Asheville (NC), Colorado Springs (CO), Austin (TX) and then Nashville (TN). In every place I prayed, “Lord, show up if
you want us here!”, and low and behold, The Lord showed up in Nashville.
Right after our first trip to Nashville, Scott was
deployed by FEMA to New York for Hurricane Sandy. He spent the next 5 months there and, with
the exception of me visiting him the weekend ‘the world was going to end’
(12/22/12), we communicated over the phone.
I cringe when I say it, but we made major life decisions then that
changed the trajectory of our lives. The
truth is that the distance and lack of distractions created more focused time
together. Meanwhile, God worked parallel
to our emotional work to bring financial circumstances to a point that would
allow us to make the move.
The winter of 2013 was NOT a high note in my life. I happen to be burdened with the winter blues
and at that time I was really strapped by stress that brought about an
assortment of physical ailments such as stomach, digestive and chronic memory
issues (caused by my inability to retain essential vitamins.) I can recall one night sitting on my couch,
wrapped in my plush, lavender robe, with the TV on and my fingers busily crocheting
something. My younger son, a man of few
words, came up to me and with a strange look on his face (I later figured out was
concern) and asked if I was alright because all I was doing was coming home and
crocheting on the couch. Okay people,
for your teenage son to notice that you’re not right means that you’re really not right!
Here’s the scary thing, life looked normal; I was working
and going to church, but I barely had energy to get through each day. I was unhappy and worst yet, I was not
obedient. I knew I wasn’t living the
life I was supposed to and it was taking its toll. The financial security I
clung to was eating me alive. God was
calling me to walk off that ledge and to trust him for my provisions, but I
consumed his time by negotiating for a limb, a branch, or a vine to grab onto
before taking that step. No branch ever
appeared and because I couldn’t see past my own solution, I wasn’t able to see
the blessings God had for me. Waiting for the comfort of clarity was
costing me more than my health, it was stunting my spiritual growth by creating
a one-sided relationship with God.
There are tons of “2013 Winter Karyn’s”! Our kind struggle with the discord of
emotional and spiritual harmony. I
didn’t want to walk off that ledge of financial security – my fear tethered me
to my wallet as I withered away spiritually.
My soul whimpered but my worry won out.
I knew God was calling me to something else but because I couldn’t see how
it could happen, I remained stuck.
For the Humphries, Phase 3 has really been a journey of
faith. I believe it’s easier to have faith than to walk in faith. Our entire
family was called to step off our own personal ledges and free fall in
faith. We didn’t do this carelessly or
haphazardly, we prayed and created a stable, barebones financial plan that
would undergird us. In the fall of 2013
we left my oldest son and daughter-in-love behind in Chicago, which was
extremely tough, but we had an assurance that The Lord would work in his timing
to bring them down. My younger son came
with, but not without perching on the edge of his own ledge saying, “I don’t
think I’m supposed to go!” In the end the
3 of us headed south, cautiously confident because of the proof God had given
us in the circumstances that preceded our relocation.
Our environment has not only changed, but our hearts have
been renewed (as well as my strength).
We have experienced so much of God’s favor; Scott got his real estate
license, my younger son formed a plan for his future and returned to Chicago to
enroll in Columbia College, I went on to pursue a certification as a Christian
Life Coach and my older son and his family just relocated here! I have gained a renewed sense of God’s
purpose for me in Nashville. I no longer
feel his conviction, I feel his blessing as I engage with others who want to
get ‘un-stuck’ and watch God work powerfully in their lives too.
We are created to glorify God and it’s the way in which
we do so that brings rich meaning to our lives.
If he calls you to something, he will work out the details. All you have
to do is walk in faith off the ledge
of fear, self-sufficiency, or whatever holds you back from being who God means
for you to be. I am really trying not to speak of trust as something you just
casually do - it’s much harder than that – at least it was for me. I remember during this time I would make
myself say out loud, “God, I trust you.”
This was my sacrifice of praise as I grappled with my inability to see
things and to control my world. Little
did I know that seeing God was the only thing I needed to see. That’s what makes the whole trust thing possible!
Whatever phase you are in, if you are living a life
without emotional and spiritual harmony I want to encourage you to make a
change. Begin by getting with God
more. Listen. Dial down your life enough to hear him. You don’t have to take this journey
alone. If you are certain God is calling
you to make a change, don’t let the comfort of clarity hold you back. Hand your fears over to God and trust. I’ve seen this firsthand, and not only with
myself. Our God is faithful to complete
the good work he has started in all of us.
Open yourself to what he has in store for you, even if you can’t see how
it could happen. He knows, and he will
be faithful. If you have stepped off that ledge in faith, please share how God
has blessed you, because he always does!
O Lord of Heaven's Armies what joy for those
who trust in you.
Psalm 84:12
As a Christian Life Coach I walk with others on similar paths. If you’d like some company on your journey with Jesus and want to move from where you are to where he wants you to be, then let’s chat.
