“Get out! Get out!” The words ripped through my throat as
I stood paralyzed, thigh high deep in the ocean. I screamed over the roar of the waves and the
din of vacationers to my 10 year old son, floating on his boogie board. Unbeknownst to him, a few yards deeper, a
dark fin was steadily slicing through the water. My mouth and my arms were the only things
that could move. As I frantically called
and waved him in, I was astounded at how the panic had gripped my legs and
stopped me from rushing to his rescue. I just kept thinking, “I’m his mother, I
need to grab him and bring him in.”, which then activated the mom-guilt that
sniped, “What kind of mother are you?” Never
before had fear ever seized me like that!
Never before had I ever felt so small and impotent. Fortunately, my son
paddled in to safety and whatever it was that was behind him disappeared.
Admittedly, I am a first generation JAWS movie-goer, which might explain most of this. Typically though,
I’m not afraid of much. I’m an
adventurer and I especially love to adventure in the ocean; snorkeling, scuba
diving and even snuba-ing. In fact, the beach is where I often meet God.
Being whisked out of the harried and enveloped in the holy… that’s what the
beach does to me. The sights and sounds are stunning, and there is truly such
splendor to behold. I love swimming in
it, sitting by it, cruising on it, and eating things that come out of it.
As much as I love the ocean, you have already seen how
much of a big Fraidy Cat I am of its sheer immensity and of the life within
that threatens my existence. (For the
record, any fish that isn’t a pretty color fits into that category!) It is a magnificent entity that I will never fully
understand. Even safe at home on my
couch, I have been spellbound by fear as I watched a Discovery program that revealed alien like creatures of the sea,
that lit up like neon signs, in a place so deep that no light could penetrate. Fascinating, yes, but also terrifying, and it
doesn’t stop there. The ocean, when
dredged up by storms, can wipe out entire cities, mangle nature and remind of
us our mortality real quick. Without a doubt, if you’re wise, the ocean is a
force to be respected and held in awe.
So, as I recently sat at the beach, thinking about the
beach, and the maker of the beach, I remember when I learned about this
paradoxical concept of loving and fearing something at the same time. It was years ago, while studying the fear of God, that I grappled with
questions like; “How could I fear someone I love?”, “Why would I fear a God of
grace and mercy?”, “For God so loved the world…”. I just
could not understand how I was supposed to fear him when I loved him so much. It was then that The Lord reminded me of the splendorous
terror of the ocean and its paralyzing grip on me.
Isaiah
chapter 2 (vs. 10,
19,
21)
depicts God’s splendor and terror in relation to those who had turned away from
him. It is easy for me to reconcile this
paradox with his wrath, but the truth is that it also applies to his love. This, in all honesty, was harder for me to understand. These were hard words to couple together in
the context of love. Splendor… terror… love…, nope, it just didn’t
compute. Then God reminded me of the
lyrics to the song, How He Loves Us. These
words give us dramatic images of a splendorous, terrifying love:
Loves like a hurricane,
I am a
tree bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy…
If
grace is an ocean we’re all sinking…
These are powerful pictures that combine the splendor and
the terror of God’s magnanimous love.
Overwhelming for sure, but the truth!
I love and fear The Lord and when I think about what that’s supposed to
look like, another ocean experience comes to mind.
Our family was on a whale watching excursion, in a medium
sized boat, (note size of boat!) when a huge Humpback whale breached the
water’s surface. It catapulted itself
straight up out of the water, looking like some resurrected, barnacled, sunken
ship. It was so close, and so big! I was videotaping it and was so gripped by
fear, that I loss my legs. I can’t
describe it any other way, they just went limp, right from under me, and I
collapsed!
It’s this breathless picture of God’s equally devastating
love & mercy and his justice & wrath that I long to maintain in my
heart and head. I want to stand in an overwhelming love, have it mangle the
lies I believe, have it bend me beneath the weight of his mercy, and sink in a
grace that takes me to the wondrous depths of a God who I will never be able to
fully understand. Splendor and terror, just
like the ocean. That’s the God I want to
behold daily. That’s the God I want
to be undone by hourly. That’s the God I
want to be gripped by minute by minute.
A shocking love, a love that I am so overcome by that I lose my legs. A rip-tide that pulls me closer to my
magnificent maker, in devout delight, fringed with awe, over both his splendor
and terror, as wide and deep as the ocean itself.
So, as I sit on the beach with my feet buried in the sand,
eyes gazing upon many wonders like rainbows, pelicans and sandcastles, I gratefully
embrace the splendor and terror of The Lord. I open myself to his devastating love and
fearsome immensity. I am his child, in
awe of him and adored by him. You too
can be breathless with wonder and comforted by his love. Just be willing to open yourself up to a splendorous
terror that you aren’t required to understand,
but are invited to step into. Just like
the ocean.
As a certified Christian Life Coach I can help you move from where you are to where God wants you to be. If you are looking to gain clarity and get 'unstuck' then let’s chat. I'd love to be your champion in what God is calling you to do!
