I didn’t
know why I couldn’t call her mom; she gave me a choice, so I called her by her
name, Ruth. It was 1984 and truth be
told, I hadn’t even thought about what I would call my mother-in-law. She was gracious and kind to me, but I hardly
knew her. It also felt like I would
infringe on my own mother’s high ground, and I wasn’t emotionally ready to do
that. If this offended her, I would
never know because she continues to be gracious and kind.
For most of
us the word “Mom” is considered an endearment, more than it is a noun, and by
the world’s standard it would appear that not calling her so would mean that I
have less feelings for her. As I settle into this thought I can see how traces
of regret could build momentum and create guilt, but honestly after all these
years, I feel I have gained something even more special.
I have a “Ruth”
in my life and like the Biblical character that chose to follow her
mother-in-law, I too have been inspired by mine. More than a proper noun, the
word ruth is an adjective that means compassionate (ex: ruthful as opposed to
ruthless). Ruth lives up to her name and
is so much more than an endearment to me.
For over 30 years her love has kept company with godly virtues and is
rendered as grace and kindness. She is also
a prayer warrior like no other, and I do not discount the decades of her prayers
that have covered me: The prayer of a
righteous person are powerful and effective. (James 5:16)
All the more
credit goes to her during times when I said stupid things that have insulted
her; like suggesting the clock she bought my husband hang in the garage. Yes I
really did that! Or the many times she covered my mother-melt downs with grace
and a patient, “She’s just a little stressed” remark. You can’t know how humbled I am by how well
she has loved me in the face of my flaws, and I certainly can’t dismiss the
incredible self-control it took for her to do it so well.
Early on in
my marriage I would only see Ruth on holidays.
When I had my first son, I decided that I wanted him to know his other
grandma better, so I began to visit her every Monday. One Monday, in her gracious way, she asked if
I had any errands to run, and offered to watch the baby. I took her up on that and eventually this
turned into their day together, and this stay-at-home mom’s day off! I cannot tell you what kind of medicine this
was for my soul!
Ruth is a
simple, low-maintenance woman who lives for Jesus, and that’s that. Everyone in her life gets the benefit of that faith
and moral compass. As much as I try to plumb the depths of her
spirit, I find that her deep waters are the same as her shallow shores; it is
all about Jesus. Whether or not she was
cut from the cloth that makes great servants, or if her heart commands her will
to be a great servant, I don’t know, but that is what you get from Ruth. She is a hands and feet gal. Quick with help, followed by
encouragement. She will get it done, and
it will be for God’s glory.
As a
mother-in-law she was silent in our family affairs (a wisdom not to be understated),
but there was a time she had a parenting suggestion. One day when I dropped my 2 year old off by
her for their weekly visit, she had 3 items laying on the couch; a thin tree
branch, a narrow, white, plastic, women’s belt, and a wooden spoon. She told me to choose one to use when my son
got out of hand. Unprepared, and quite a bit shocked by her proposition, I just
stood there. She encouraged me again to pick
one and when I used it, not to hit his diapered backside, but to whack the back
of his legs so he would feel it! I was
speechless – there was no way I would ever do that, but instead of telling her
that, I respectfully chose the spoon.
Through the
years the “Grandma Ruth” spoon became ridiculously notorious. It was used as a threat by everyone, even the
other Grandma, but was never deployed by anyone. This may sound shocking to you, using a spoon
to discipline a toddler, but this was Ruth helping and encouraging in her most
simple, albeit generationally different, way. Going along and choosing the spoon may not
have been the right decision in some eyes, but honest to goodness, having
someone else validate me and my motherhood struggles was soooo encouraging. She affirmed me without belittling me and she
equipped me! I felt loved beyond words
when I walked out that door. In her good
nature, Ruth will chuckle about the Grandma Ruth spoon along with the rest of
us, but I doubt she will ever fully know how much she saved me that day.
Ruth turns
90 years old this week. I think of
nearly a century’s worth of people that she has touched and has blessed… and
let me tell you they all would say they were blessed! I am reminded that a life lived for Christ
can actually be lived out quite simply.
Ruth has showed me this. Ruth has
given me gifts beyond measure, but she has given me an even greater lesson of simple,
consistent faith expressing itself in love. Simple. Faith. Love. Grace. Kindness.
Compassion. Ruth!
Recently at
a family gathering I was complimented by my sister about what a good
mother-in-law I was, (or appeared to be in her eyes). I told her I have the greatest role model,
Ruth. When friends complain with dominating or stingy stories of their
mother-in-law’s, I have a different story.
I have a ruthful story. A story
of a woman who stands apart from everyone else in my life because of her love for
Christ and the enduring, simple life of love she chooses to live because of
him. I have been indelibly changed
because of that love, and can’t help but witness about this woman; who some call
mom, some call grandma, and some call friend.
I call her Ruth, and for the record, I am extremely honored to do so!
