Reality Testing

What is real these days? Entertainment gives us reality TV, which isn’t so real because most of it is highly manipulated by the producers to elicit shocking outcomes.  And then there’s the news. Nowadays we have real news and fake news… yes, one of the latest trending topics has been about “fake news”. Fake news has been described as fabricated content designed to fool readers and subsequently made viral through the Internet to crowds that increase its dissemination.  Wikipedia reports over 50 fake news internet sites and 60 minutes recently did a story on it unearthing the dangers of being gullible. Finding what’s real and what’s true has never been harder!

Sometimes, however, we can’t blame being gullible because there are times we operate within lies that we know are not true.  For instance, when you or I walk across the floor, we believe that we are on a solid, flat surface that doesn’t move.  However, the reality is that we are actually on a big ball of dirt, called Earth, that is spinning and revolving around the sun in space.  Our perception of what we physically feel doesn’t match what’s real; we live as if the planet is not tipped on its axis and spinning faster than we ever could imagine, but regardless of what we feel, when we believe we are not moving, we are living a lie.

The age-old art of magic tricks is an entertaining way we allow misperceptions to fool us. The hand is quicker than the eye and we could swear that the magician tore that dollar bill.  If you want to really do a perception check, watch an episode of The Carbonaro Effect.  In this candid camera, magician show people contort their thoughts to align with the most bizarre things that their eyes see.  It’s hilarious, but it’s also scary to think how far we are willing to bend the implausible to fit with our reality.

Then there are times we are just mistaken and don’t realize it.  I remember driving down to Florida in the fall and noticed what looked like a field covered in snow. Despite the fact that I knew I was in Florida, in September, and there was no way it could be snow, this Chicago girl still exclaimed, “Is that snow?” It wasn’t snow, it was fields of cotton stretching a swath of white across the land.  Imagine my surprise! Had we not gotten closer to see the truth, I’m sure I would have spun incredulous tales of snow in Florida.

Sometimes I’m not mistaken though; sometimes I simply cloak truth in my own bias. Bias that can deceive and mislead as much as a magician can!  I have working biases that act as a lens of my own experiences, expectations, hopes, and motives.  This makes perceiving truth a lot harder.

Our biases, our being mistaken, or our relying on our senses are just a few ways our faulty perception masquerades as truth.  What’s really startling though, is that most of us realize that this happens and purposely operate from that truth.  I’ve been in meetings where someone has said, “Perception is reality, so we need to go with it.” The perception is reality, adage has been around for a long, long time and speaks truth about how most of us operate in this false manner.  Other versions of it include the Jewish Talmud which says, “We don’t see things the way they are. We see them the way we are.”  Stephen Covey says it in a more contemporary voice, “We see the world not as it is, but as we are.” This may be valid for how we operate, but whatever variation you choose, wouldn’t you rather live with what’s real?  

 

So, what is real? I love this quote by Philip Dick, “Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.” We are on a spinning planet circling around the sun, whether we feel like it or not.  Depending on perception alone doesn’t only fool us in our physical world, it also bleeds into our emotional and spiritual world.  When we depend on inaccurate emotional perceptions to be our reality, we live a lie. In the same way we experience our spinning planet, we also have a God who loves us, whether we feel it or not.

To a deeper extent my mind will chatter with things like, “I am not enough” or “I’m not wanted”. These thoughts are anchored in beliefs (or mis-beliefs) which impact the way I see myself and the world.  Faulty, ingrained misconceptions about who I think I am are often much stronger than the knowledge of who I know I am in Christ, which is where we, as Christians, are to cultivate truth.

Assumptions about others and lies about ourselves are false perceptions that keep us from growing spiritually. Managing our perception is key. Perceptions are amoral, (in the sense that it’s the intake of information through your senses, which has no right or wrong), until you attach a belief to it. Some of us live entirely on perceptions that uphold irrational beliefs. Some of us, sadly, are shackled to beliefs that we just haven’t challenged or fact-checked with God.  Wouldn’t you rather live with God’s truth?  

When I’m cornered by thoughts that are the harbinger of deceptions, I look to the truth spoken in the Bible.  God’s view of me is that I am enough in Christ.  I wasn’t created to be enough on my own, I’m called to a relationship with Jesus and other Christians to find completeness.  This truth is what I use to combat faulty perceptions that fetter my spirit.  God’s truth is wrapped up in sixty-six different books that have been sustained through the ages and have been verifiably validated.  To me this is truth I can, and do, rely on.

Living in the light of God’s truth isn’t easy for me; it requires a discipline of reframing my thoughts with God’s truth. A skill that helps me do this is called reality testing. Reality testing is a core emotional intelligence competency that can be developed to positively impact your perception of others and yourself. Prayer is the working ground where I use this skill to challenge the perceptions that cause me to deny God’s reality and to live a lie.  As a child of God I am called to acknowledge what is real no matter how difficult the reality is, because the truth is that God is bigger and provides the hope to carry me through.  Wouldn’t you rather live with that reality?

PONDER:

What’s one area of your life where misperceptions hold you back?
Where does the root of that misperception come from?
What does God’s truth say about it?

WITNESS:

On a scale of 1 to 10 (1= least/10= most) how open are you to feedback?
Who is someone that is able to give you reality checks in a good, kind, and healthy way?
How do you allow God’s truth to help test your reality?

ACTION:

Find God’s truth in the Bible and reframe the lie or deception with it.  Pray this truth for a month.

SCRIPTURE 

Jeremiah 31:3   I am His beloved

1 John 3:1  I am a child of God

Ephesians 2:10  I am God’s masterpiece

1 Peter 2:24  I am forgiven

Colossians 2:10  I am whole in Christ

Deuteronomy 31:8  I am never alone

2 Corinthians 2:15  I am an exquisite fragrance

Galatians 5:1  I am free!

As a certified Christian Life Coach I can help you move from where you are to where God wants you to be. If you are interested in assessing your reality testing competency then let’s chat. I'd love to be your champion in what God is calling you to do!

Taking a Turn

It’s been way too long since I’ve blogged.  The silence has felt like a spiritually induced ‘hold’.  I’ve written, but haven’t been moved to post.  This blog has actually taken 3 different turns itself.  It’s definitely been a strange time.

While I enjoyed writing about people who live out loud for Jesus, as well as topics that get you thinking, the Lord has me taking Witness and Ponder to a different format and focus.  The format will be more of a resource, than a web journal, and the focus will incorporate more coaching elements. I believe this is what God was hatching all those months on hold!  

Most people take what they love and become an expert in it.  But not me! I’ve taken my biggest weakness and have become credentialed in it.  I’m certified in emotional intelligence and am a Professional Life Coach, but, even so, I still have to strenuously work out the spiritual and emotional outcomes that I want in my life.  Just because I know what to do, doesn’t mean it’s easy for me to do. Can anyone else relate?

Knowledge, of course, is valuable, but in many cases can just be something that I know and don’t activate.  For instance, I know about healthy eating and financial stewardship, but I don’t always do what I’m supposed to do.  Even something as small as a good intention that doesn’t get carried out is an example of the uselessness of the knowledge that I hold.  So, if knowledge is power, how can it be so impotent for me at times?

Here’s what I’ve learned: Knowledge doesn’t make the changes in our lives without harnessing motivation.  However, motivation (the reason we have for acting) is a creature unto itself with a natural bent toward selfishness or fear. On their own neither knowledge or motivation are tremendously valuable.  What makes them powerful change agents is wisdom.  

This fascinating virtue is the sinew that wraps the bones of knowledge and motivation, and propels them into action.  Wisdom not only knows what to do, and wants to do it, it actually summons self-control in order to get it done. Wisdom is not sedentary and it does not stockpile.  It is dynamic and purposeful. I used to think that wisdom was a combination of knowledge + experience, but I’m convinced now that wisdom’s distinguishing mark is ACTION.  Wisdom knows what is good, is motivated to have what is good, and is willing to do what is good.  In short, wisdom does what knowledge knows.

 And what’s even more beautiful is that all you have to do is ask God for it!

James 1:5, If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God,

who gives generously

to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

Aspects of wisdom involve self-mastery.  According to the Collins English Dictionary, “Self-mastery is the ability to take control of one's life without being blown off course by feelings, urges, circumstances etc.  Self-mastery is that condition whereby your body is your servant and not your master.”  This skill is one of the most important facets to self-leadership and the most critical component to great leadership.  Beyond leadership benefits, self-mastery’s domain is the bridge between the soul and the self.

This self-control is something that my soul longs for each day; because I don’t want the chocolate chip cookies to win, I don’t want to blurt out unedited thoughts, and I don’t want my feelings to get the best of me or injure others.  I have been blown off course more times than I care to admit, and I’ve worked hard to mitigate that!

This is the new focus of this blog.  We’re going to aim for soul freeing, character building, Holy Spirit fueled self-control!  Uh-oh, am I losing you?  Are you slipping away with “ughhhh” thoughts? Hang in there for a minute.  

I know this doesn’t sound sexy or exciting, in fact our world shouts the exact opposite, but if we’re all honest we know that one of the things chipping away at our soul is the pitfalls of trying to be the best version of ourselves.  Think about the people you respect and those you don’t.  As Christians we tend to  respect those who have a higher level of self-control, and a giving spirit.  This doesn’t come naturally for most of us, in fact self-leadership is my struggle, self-control is my deficit, self-mastery is my hard place and, because this is so, I’m convinced God has called me to be the, “If I can do it, anyone can do it!” poster child for this.   

That’s why I’m passionate about sharing the insights and tools that I use as an emotional intelligence coach.  Jesus has spent decades developing these skills in me.  I wish I could say that this weakness has become a strong, ripped, sculpted muscle, but I can’t.  It is, however, hard-won wisdom from decades of self-development in both the emotional and spiritual realms. It is tested, approved and driven by the proof of my own transformation.

If that is something you want too, then take this turn with me.  As we lock arms I will share what I have studied, been inspired by, and personally lived out. You will learn the tips, tricks, and tough-to-tackle stuff that will keep most pain and embarrassment (the by-lines in my life story) away.  The end goal here is to shorten your learning curve.  To shave off years or even decades of learning the hard way and to even become unstuck if that is where you find yourself. Our focus will be the undercurrents of our emotional and spiritual selves, because they are microscopically entwined. Our goal will be emotional and spiritual harmony, because the gift of that is peace. Sounds good, doesn’t it?

The only thing we can ever hope to control is ourselves, and that’s a critical component to self-leadership.  Self-leadership applies to anyone who leads a family, a flock, or a fortune 500 company, because all of us need to lead ourselves well.  I do however, have a soft spot in my heart for ministry leaders, so if you have a Christian friend in that arena, please share this with them.  The hope is that God will forge this process with grace and that the wisdom he offers will be the catalyst for the change you desire.  I know it can be done! So, take this turn with me; start now and watch God move in your life!

PONDER:

What specific area in your life is God calling you to exercise more self-mastery?

What would life be like if you were able to summon the necessary self-control?

WISDOM’S ACTION:

What is the first step you can take to create a small victory?

WITNESS:

Who can encourage you and help you pray about making a change?

Where would you want the most help from God?  Ask for it in prayer as you pray for wisdom.

RESOURCE:

Self-leadership:

The practice of intentionally influencing your thinking, feeling and behaviors to achieve your objective/s. (Bryant & Kazan 2012)

Self-mastery:

The ability to take control of one's life without being blown off course by feelings, urges, circumstances etc.  Self-mastery is that condition whereby your body is your servant and not your master. (Collins English Dictionary. Copyright © HarperCollins Publishers)

Self-control:

Restraint exercised over one's own impulses, emotions, or desires. (Merriam Webster Dictionary).

Wisdom:

The quality or state of being wise; knowledge of what is true or right, coupled with just judgment as to action, sagacity, discernment, or insight. (Dictionary.com).

SCRIPTURE 

(Note the ‘action’ involved in each verse.)

Matthew 11:19b:

But wisdom is proved right by her actions.

Luke 2:52:

And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and men.

Proverbs 4:5-13

Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them.

Do not forsake wisdom and she will protect you; love her and she will watch over you. Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom.

As a certified Christian Life Coach I can help you move from where you are to where God wants you to be. If you are looking to gain clarity and get 'unstuck' then let’s chat. I'd love to be your champion in what God is calling you to do!  

Trench Work

I felt oddly alone even though I was with other women I loved and respected.  It was a vulnerable time of confession that was a rare event at a Christian women’s conference.  The speaker asked the attendees to light up their phones and raise them in the darkened auditorium when they heard a word that resonated with them.  Unworthy, fearful, broken, anxious, overwhelmed, bitter and empty were some of the words read aloud. 

In that holy experience the roll call of my heart issues were not inventoried.  With each passing word the creeping sense of being different in ‘not good’ ways cloyed at me.  The isolation triggered a combative insecurity that wanted to know why.

Eventually, I was consoled when the speaker said one of my words, in fact, she said the biggest word on my list.  I thought, “Yes, that’s me!” Feeling strangely comforted, I raised my glowing phone in a salute of gratitude.  I realize my emotional response may seem a bit illogical.  It was, after all, an exercise of confession, not some competition.  However, I don’t mean to celebrate sin or conversely let you think that I didn’t have any sins to shine my phone for, because I had plenty. 

Loudly absent that night were an assortment of my words: a critical spirit, self-righteous, envious, a know it all, and demeaning. Under my perfectionistic tendencies is a self-critical spirit that incessantly taunts me on the rare occasion I am wrong. I am a bully at the deepest level of my heart.  I defend standards that are way too high, and if you fall short, well, you are just another donor to my every growing list of disappointments.   The excellence I strive for breeds the self-import that covers me with a rancid stench that most people are nose-blind to.

Surely there had to be more women like me, those that shared my struggles and had similar words left buried in the dark.  I consider myself a fully devoted follower of Christ who struggles daily with a different set of sins.  The work they were doing at that conference was a beautiful thing, but the battles they were fighting were not mine.  I meet with Jesus in very different trenches to heal very different wounds and offenses. 

It’s these non-trending, under-publicized sins that occupy the trench where I do most of my sanctification work with Jesus.  It’s a crowded ditch, home to judgement as well as guilt, discouragement and hope, and disbelief and faith.  It’s a messy place that grace calls home.  It’s where Jesus mends my shamed spirit and then shows me how to be more like him.  This is my daily battle.  This is my trench work that I cannot do without him!

Jesus has revealed so much to me in this trench. One of the more powerful insights that he has given me is that there’s a wrong way to be right.  We’ve spent years together working on this one!  He’s recently bringing me to deeper waters where he’s training me to let go of being right altogether and allowing others to be wrong.  Oh my gosh, sometimes this is more painful than child birth, but this is the trench work he is calling me to! 

No sin is pretty and it’s all the same in God’s eyes, but in our eyes some sins are more tolerable, like the ones that come along with looking good as a Christian.  My heart tells me I am not alone in this trench work, and after that conference the Holy Spirit has been nudging me to be ugly honest.  So here is my ugly, honest lesson: looking good and rule keeping has its own cost.  Some of my most egregious sins have been because I needed to maintain an appearance of being right or being accepted.  That is a very dangerous place to be!

Pride was the very big word that lit up my phone that night. Strange as it was, when I was sitting there feeling alone and unattractively different, it was pride that walked me into that sacred time of confession.  Often our sins tend to the broken places within us, that’s how they get a foothold and that’s why we need to bring them to the trenches for redemption.

No iniquity is more infamous than pride.  Hands down, it’s one of the greatest offenses to God. Pride is a swarthy culprit that has driven me to make reckless decisions, it has fractured my relationships, it has taken me to hills that God has not called me to die on, it has sequestered me when I needed help, and, most sadly, it has made others feel bad about themselves.  This is not the gospel of Christ. This is society’s gospel.  This is an errant, deceptive culture that awards perfection, self-sufficiency and power.  The great deception is that when you chase after that, you believe you don’t need a Savior.  The greater insult though, are the times when I strive for exactly that, in Christ’s name.  And I do that way too often!

Honestly, I don’t believe I’m as alone in this as I thought I was that night.  If you struggle with seductively, dangerous encounters with pride that have you being right in wrong ways, I’m telling you to join me in the trenches with Jesus.  If you are willing, he will transform that pride into humility, because our humble Savior invites our imperfections, relieves us of our self-sufficiency and most of all delights in our obedience. This is the trench work he offers - this is the trench work that continues to transform me - this is the messy, ugly, honest place that grace calls home and my heart calls safe. 

The holy discontent I had with this experience wasn’t about the actual trench work, it was about the lack of coverage in the ministry world for certain heart issues.  The heart issues that make us offenders instead of victims.  Why does this happen?  Are the voices not loud enough? Am I not looking in the right places? Are sins of weakness more accepted than sins of strength, making it intimidating to carry that banner?  Aside from the Holy Spirit and the reminders from pastors, I guess I was just hoping for others that could send me back to the trenches.  I have more questions than answers, that’s for sure, and to those of you working in similar trenches, it would be great to know that I’m not alone.  By coming together we can unmask the face of pride and its family of offenders that work to separate us from God and from each other. Redemption happens in the trenches; let’s shine the light on some of the most essential work God is eager to do with us. Because you know he will, and it’s only by his Spirit that we can!

Ruthful

I didn’t know why I couldn’t call her mom; she gave me a choice, so I called her by her name, Ruth.  It was 1984 and truth be told, I hadn’t even thought about what I would call my mother-in-law.  She was gracious and kind to me, but I hardly knew her.  It also felt like I would infringe on my own mother’s high ground, and I wasn’t emotionally ready to do that.  If this offended her, I would never know because she continues to be gracious and kind.

For most of us the word “Mom” is considered an endearment, more than it is a noun, and by the world’s standard it would appear that not calling her so would mean that I have less feelings for her. As I settle into this thought I can see how traces of regret could build momentum and create guilt, but honestly after all these years, I feel I have gained something even more special. 

I have a “Ruth” in my life and like the Biblical character that chose to follow her mother-in-law, I too have been inspired by mine. More than a proper noun, the word ruth is an adjective that means compassionate (ex: ruthful as opposed to ruthless).  Ruth lives up to her name and is so much more than an endearment to me.  For over 30 years her love has kept company with godly virtues and is rendered as grace and kindness.  She is also a prayer warrior like no other, and I do not discount the decades of her prayers that have covered me: The prayer of a righteous person are powerful and effective. (James 5:16)

All the more credit goes to her during times when I said stupid things that have insulted her; like suggesting the clock she bought my husband hang in the garage. Yes I really did that! Or the many times she covered my mother-melt downs with grace and a patient, “She’s just a little stressed” remark.  You can’t know how humbled I am by how well she has loved me in the face of my flaws, and I certainly can’t dismiss the incredible self-control it took for her to do it so well. 

Early on in my marriage I would only see Ruth on holidays.  When I had my first son, I decided that I wanted him to know his other grandma better, so I began to visit her every Monday.  One Monday, in her gracious way, she asked if I had any errands to run, and offered to watch the baby.  I took her up on that and eventually this turned into their day together, and this stay-at-home mom’s day off!  I cannot tell you what kind of medicine this was for my soul!

Ruth is a simple, low-maintenance woman who lives for Jesus, and that’s that. Everyone in her life gets the benefit of that faith and moral compass.   As much as I try to plumb the depths of her spirit, I find that her deep waters are the same as her shallow shores; it is all about Jesus.  Whether or not she was cut from the cloth that makes great servants, or if her heart commands her will to be a great servant, I don’t know, but that is what you get from Ruth.  She is a hands and feet gal.  Quick with help, followed by encouragement.  She will get it done, and it will be for God’s glory. 

As a mother-in-law she was silent in our family affairs (a wisdom not to be understated), but there was a time she had a parenting suggestion.  One day when I dropped my 2 year old off by her for their weekly visit, she had 3 items laying on the couch; a thin tree branch, a narrow, white, plastic, women’s belt, and a wooden spoon.  She told me to choose one to use when my son got out of hand. Unprepared, and quite a bit shocked by her proposition, I just stood there.  She encouraged me again to pick one and when I used it, not to hit his diapered backside, but to whack the back of his legs so he would feel it!  I was speechless – there was no way I would ever do that, but instead of telling her that, I respectfully chose the spoon. 

Through the years the “Grandma Ruth” spoon became ridiculously notorious.  It was used as a threat by everyone, even the other Grandma, but was never deployed by anyone.  This may sound shocking to you, using a spoon to discipline a toddler, but this was Ruth helping and encouraging in her most simple, albeit generationally different, way.  Going along and choosing the spoon may not have been the right decision in some eyes, but honest to goodness, having someone else validate me and my motherhood struggles was soooo encouraging.  She affirmed me without belittling me and she equipped me!  I felt loved beyond words when I walked out that door.  In her good nature, Ruth will chuckle about the Grandma Ruth spoon along with the rest of us, but I doubt she will ever fully know how much she saved me that day. 

Ruth turns 90 years old this week.  I think of nearly a century’s worth of people that she has touched and has blessed… and let me tell you they all would say they were blessed!  I am reminded that a life lived for Christ can actually be lived out quite simply.  Ruth has showed me this.  Ruth has given me gifts beyond measure, but she has given me an even greater lesson of simple, consistent faith expressing itself in love.  Simple. Faith. Love. Grace. Kindness. Compassion. Ruth!   

Recently at a family gathering I was complimented by my sister about what a good mother-in-law I was, (or appeared to be in her eyes).  I told her I have the greatest role model, Ruth. When friends complain with dominating or stingy stories of their mother-in-law’s, I have a different story.  I have a ruthful story.  A story of a woman who stands apart from everyone else in my life because of her love for Christ and the enduring, simple life of love she chooses to live because of him.  I have been indelibly changed because of that love, and can’t help but witness about this woman; who some call mom, some call grandma, and some call friend.  I call her Ruth, and for the record, I am extremely honored to do so!

A Hard Thanks

At a recent Thanksgiving gathering of friends, I read Psalm 100; my "go to" Scripture for Thanksgiving. I quickly grabbed it off my phone, not realizing what translation was selected.

Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth!
²     Serve the Lord with gladness!
    Come into his presence with singing!

³ Know that the Lord, he is God!
    It is he who made us, and we are his;
    we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

⁴ Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
    and his courts with praise!
    Give thanks to him; bless his name!

⁵ For the Lord is good;
    his steadfast love endures forever,
    and his faithfulness to all generations.

This is the English Standard Version (ESV), which I rarely use.  As I was reading it, I couldn’t help but notice how many exclamation points there were. I commented that I couldn’t recall another Scripture with so many exclamation points.  This made the entire feeling of the Scripture new to me.  It was so effusive with joy and praise.  It appeared so energized with happiness that I couldn’t help but feel the difference.

The reason I really noticed this was because I had had the thought of a hard thanks on my mind for the last few weeks.  What I mean by a hard thanks is the ability to be grateful and give thanks even when life stinks, when loss overwhelms and when injustice reigns.  I have too many friends and family who are walking through crisis and illness.  I see crippled hearts that cling to hope and pray for grace and yet the circumstances in their lives continue to stink, losses still overwhelm and injustice persists.  Some things just aren’t right, and it’s hard to have a grateful heart in the midst of it all! 

When I think about being thankful in hard circumstances, the memory of my mom passing away comes to mind. Her exit wasn’t peaceful, her body went through some scary stuff. Never having been beside someone who was fighting death to the end, it was pretty traumatic for me.  Sitting there, in a heap of inconsolable tears, I prayed to God.  I was angry, despondent, and I felt abandoned.  He didn’t grant my prayers… He didn’t heal her… Yet while my heart stood dazed with all the things that God didn’t do, my head knew who God was and knew that He loved me.  I knew about the promise of eternity, that hard-won provision given to us by Christ.  It was from that perspective of hope that my prayer was launched.  I thanked God, for God.  I told Him my heart was breaking, but that I loved Him and knew that He never promised to preserve our earthly bodies.  I offered my sacrifice of praise.  Even in the midst of loss, I held on to the greatest gain.  I had Him and I still had my mom.  One day I’d be face to face with each of them.  Despite my depths of despair I praised Him.

The only reason I was able to step into that hard thanks was because I had recently read Hebrews 13:15, Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise – the fruit of lips that confess his name. At the time I didn’t fully understand how praise could be a sacrifice, but as I sat in that moment, the meaning came into full view.  I had been well accustomed with loss in my life, but not sacrifice.  What had I ever freely given up except denying myself a brownie or cookie?  And honestly, I wasn’t very good at that!  Yet as I sat in my devastation I realized it was an opportunity to give up my anger, despondency, and loneliness.  So I chose to, and when I said that prayer, that act of sacrifice led me into a deeper intimacy with God.  That moment brought with it humility and dependence.  Like a discarded piece of paper, it wadded up my argument with the list of wrongs I was entitled to, but relinquished.  Instead, I chose God.  I chose His perspective.  I chose His will.  I chose to trust in Him. 

One act of thanksgiving, when things go wrong with us, is worth a

thousand thanks when things are agreeable to our inclinations. 

Saint John of Avila

Over the years I’ve learned to hold everything loosely.  Loss is an inevitability with age.  This perspective isn’t meant to be a downer, it’s meant to acknowledge the riches that stream in and out of our lives and point to The One who blesses us with them.   The One who is exuberantly celebrated with exclamation points in the Psalm above. 

I can easily punctuate the gifts in my life with exclamation points, yet I still struggle with using them in seasons of loss.  When I neglect those exclamation points, I miss out on selflessly honoring what was lost and The One who granted them in the first place.  The practice of a hard thanks is rooted in verse 5, For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.  As far as I’m concerned, this last verse is the one that truly deserves an exclamation point! 

So this Thanksgiving, whether in abundance or loss, I pray you can put an exclamation point after the gratitude you feel for a God who freely offers His goodness, His steadfastness, His enduring love, and His faithfulness to every generation of your family, no matter the circumstances. 

As I count my blessings this holiday, allow me to count you!  I’m really so grateful that you read my blog and hope that you are transformed by what God has put on my heart to share.  Be blessed!

As a certified Christian Life Coach I can help you move from where you are to where God wants you to be. If you are looking to gain clarity and get 'unstuck' then let’s chat. I'd love to be your champion in what God is calling you to do!  

The Beach

“Get out! Get out!” The words ripped through my throat as I stood paralyzed, thigh high deep in the ocean.  I screamed over the roar of the waves and the din of vacationers to my 10 year old son, floating on his boogie board.  Unbeknownst to him, a few yards deeper, a dark fin was steadily slicing through the water.  My mouth and my arms were the only things that could move.  As I frantically called and waved him in, I was astounded at how the panic had gripped my legs and stopped me from rushing to his rescue. I just kept thinking, “I’m his mother, I need to grab him and bring him in.”, which then activated the mom-guilt that sniped, “What kind of mother are you?”  Never before had fear ever seized me like that!  Never before had I ever felt so small and impotent. Fortunately, my son paddled in to safety and whatever it was that was behind him disappeared.

Admittedly, I am a first generation JAWS movie-goer, which might explain most of this. Typically though, I’m not afraid of much.  I’m an adventurer and I especially love to adventure in the ocean; snorkeling, scuba diving and even snuba-ing.  In fact, the beach is where I often meet God. Being whisked out of the harried and enveloped in the holy… that’s what the beach does to me. The sights and sounds are stunning, and there is truly such splendor to behold.  I love swimming in it, sitting by it, cruising on it, and eating things that come out of it. 

As much as I love the ocean, you have already seen how much of a big Fraidy Cat I am of its sheer immensity and of the life within that threatens my existence.  (For the record, any fish that isn’t a pretty color fits into that category!)  It is a magnificent entity that I will never fully understand.  Even safe at home on my couch, I have been spellbound by fear as I watched a Discovery program that revealed alien like creatures of the sea, that lit up like neon signs, in a place so deep that no light could penetrate.  Fascinating, yes, but also terrifying, and it doesn’t stop there.  The ocean, when dredged up by storms, can wipe out entire cities, mangle nature and remind of us our mortality real quick. Without a doubt, if you’re wise, the ocean is a force to be respected and held in awe. 

So, as I recently sat at the beach, thinking about the beach, and the maker of the beach, I remember when I learned about this paradoxical concept of loving and fearing something at the same time.  It was years ago, while studying the fear of God, that I grappled with questions like; “How could I fear someone I love?”, “Why would I fear a God of grace and mercy?”, “For God so loved the world…”.   I just could not understand how I was supposed to fear him when I loved him so much.  It was then that The Lord reminded me of the splendorous terror of the ocean and its paralyzing grip on me.

 I love and fear The Lord much the same way in which I love and fear the ocean.  I understand my limitedness in light of his immenseness.  I respect his power and know that it will take more than a Discovery program to know him better.   I learned that there is healthy fear that resembles gripping awe and reverence, a fear that requires me to acknowledge that I am NOT God and in the grand scheme of things I am small, impotent, and I’m okay with that!

Isaiah chapter 2 (vs. 10, 19, 21) depicts God’s splendor and terror in relation to those who had turned away from him.  It is easy for me to reconcile this paradox with his wrath, but the truth is that it also applies to his love.  This, in all honesty, was harder for me to understand.  These were hard words to couple together in the context of love. Splendor… terror… love…, nope, it just didn’t compute.  Then God reminded me of the lyrics to the song, How He Loves Us. These words give us dramatic images of a splendorous, terrifying love: 

Loves like a hurricane, 

I am a tree bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy…

If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking…

These are powerful pictures that combine the splendor and the terror of God’s magnanimous love.  Overwhelming for sure, but the truth!  I love and fear The Lord and when I think about what that’s supposed to look like, another ocean experience comes to mind. 

Our family was on a whale watching excursion, in a medium sized boat, (note size of boat!) when a huge Humpback whale breached the water’s surface.  It catapulted itself straight up out of the water, looking like some resurrected, barnacled, sunken ship. It was so close, and so big! I was videotaping it and was so gripped by fear, that I loss my legs.  I can’t describe it any other way, they just went limp, right from under me, and I collapsed!

It’s this breathless picture of God’s equally devastating love & mercy and his justice & wrath that I long to maintain in my heart and head. I want to stand in an overwhelming love, have it mangle the lies I believe, have it bend me beneath the weight of his mercy, and sink in a grace that takes me to the wondrous depths of a God who I will never be able to fully understand.  Splendor and terror, just like the ocean.  That’s the God I want to behold daily. That’s the God I want to be undone by hourly.  That’s the God I want to be gripped by minute by minute.  A shocking love, a love that I am so overcome by that I lose my legs.  A rip-tide that pulls me closer to my magnificent maker, in devout delight, fringed with awe, over both his splendor and terror, as wide and deep as the ocean itself.

So, as I sit on the beach with my feet buried in the sand, eyes gazing upon many wonders like rainbows, pelicans and sandcastles, I gratefully embrace the splendor and terror of The Lord.  I open myself to his devastating love and fearsome immensity.  I am his child, in awe of him and adored by him.  You too can be breathless with wonder and comforted by his love.  Just be willing to open yourself up to a splendorous terror that you aren’t required to understand, but are invited to step into.  Just like the ocean.

As a certified Christian Life Coach I can help you move from where you are to where God wants you to be. If you are looking to gain clarity and get 'unstuck' then let’s chat. I'd love to be your champion in what God is calling you to do!