“Karyn! There are a hundred kids out here, so why is it I
only hear your voice?”
That bellow came from the front porch of my house, across
the street from the parkway where I was playing with friends. This area of the parkway was where neighborhood
children would come to play 16” softball, Red-Rover and Ghost in the Graveyard,
among other games. Our house was
situated right in front of this hub of activity, and this is where my mother
chose to humiliate me in front of a gazillion of my peers. She had no other instruction or requests,
just a firm warning to shut up! My nine year-old,
energetic form suddenly collapsed into a Charlie Brown pout, and I did exactly
what my mother told me – I shut up.
I remember a time in college during a speech class when my
professor congratulated me on how my voice just rolled through the room. His hands punctuated this statement with an
undulating motion. He footnoted his
comment with the remark that I didn’t even need the microphone. It might have been a compliment, but I really
couldn’t say because I had long ago internalized that my voice shouldn’t be
big.
Those who know me would probably agree that my voice is loud – I am loud – my whole family is loud
(with the exception of my one son, but in truth when he laughs, it’s loud and I
love it!). My volume can easily be seen
as being bold, and I think many people believe that I am. My husband is one of those people, so when God led me to pick BOLD as my word for the year he gave me a questionable look and
dismissed it. I can see how that would
be an easy mistake to make because I am loud and I am bold, but typically I am
both of those things for others and not for myself.
I use this questionable talent to advocate for others. “What? They didn’t bring your ketchup?” I am
the first one to hail down the wait staff and make sure you get your
ketchup. I have boldly navigated
hospitals, nursing homes, financial institutions and the education system to
make sure my loved ones got what they needed.
Throughout my life I have advocated for others, and have
counted it an honor, but when it came to my own dreams and desires, you know
the ones you hold really close to the vest, I am as mute as when my mother
hollered at me from our front porch.
It’s very, very hard for me to step into my voice and rustle up boldness
for myself, so earlier this year, when God called me to embrace the word BOLD, I
became really nervous.
Part of the reason I get so nervous is because I don’t do it
well. When I try to advocate for myself
it sounds prideful and haughty. That of
course happens because I work overly hard to compensate for my insecurities
with a false confidence. Despite this
shortcoming, when God called me to be BOLD and use my voice, I did. I uncomfortably raised my hand and offered my skills, but God chose not to open that door. After my confusion evaporated, like a dense fog, I realized that I was
being bold in a very safe place, and that wasn’t what God had in mind at all.
You should have felt my emotional recoil! I did not want to
step into a big arena, like the world, and put myself out there. Uugh! The last
thing I wanted to do was self-promotion. Uugh! We’re talking a serious aversion
here. So, I go and double check with
God (about a hundred times) to see if this was the direction He really wanted
me to head. It was...Uugh! (Can you see
my 50-something, less energetic form collapsing into a Charlie Brown pout?)
Here’s the deal. All
through this struggle God assured me that I wouldn’t be putting myself out
there, but that I would be putting Him out there. Kinda hard to argue with that! For the last
two years He has had me practicing the act of letting go of the outcome and just being obedient to the next step.
So, in January I began researching companies to help
make-over my current coaching website. I
took my time because I knew that those self-promotion steps would eventually
come…uugh! But, during this time, God
brought people and ideas into the picture, which brought an excitement for what
He could do through it all. My "uugh" didn’t have as much power as it once had.
God has blessed my coaching business, but I had a deep
desire to reach more people with the truth He has given me about weaving
emotional intelligence into spiritual growth. I see Christians every day who
love The Lord, but just can’t figure out how to navigate around and through
their feelings in order to look more like Him.
I’m one of them! ROMANS
7 could be my emotional life mantra: I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I
want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I
do it anyway.
The good news is that God has equipped us to overcome this
struggle with the help of the Holy Spirit and a little extra know-how. I don’t have all the answers, but I’ve
figured out a few how-to’s that make a difference, and God is calling me to use
my voice so others can know about them too.
“Be bold enough to
use your voice, brave enough to listen to your heart, and strong enough to
live the life you always imagined.” I stumbled across this canvas as a new Nashvillian some
years ago. It sits oddly on one of my
kitchen walls because it’s not really your standard kitchen décor. I keep it in plain sight so that I can see
it, believe it, and live it. It was a
very attractive challenge I claimed when we moved from Chicago. As Scott and I
were recreating our lives, I wanted to be sure to live from this statement - after
all, that parkway was now 500 miles away.
My life is better than I ever imagined. I work at a
wonderful church that is making a difference in the world and I get to coach
fabulous people who have engaged me to be their champion. I have listened to my heart and to God,
trusting that even if I fall flat on my face (again), I will still be
victorious because I have been obedient (yeah, that counts!). It’s the brave part that is problematic. I’m not so brave – I tend to be too tied to the
outcome (even after two years of practice!), and there’s still the matter of
that voice of mine. I still feel like
I’m nine.
I have figured out, though, that the most important thing I
can be is obedient (out of love, not fear).
I have experienced the riches from it, I have enjoyed more intimacy with
God through it, and it just so happens to be bigger than my "uugh"! So, it is with great excitement that I get to
tell you that my new website, sporting a new logo, and loaded with a bunch of resources for YOU, will be
launched next month. I have been BOLD in
every sense of the word, I have stepped into my voice in uncomfortable ways, but
what keeps me pushing through is YOU. I
think of you and how much God loves you and wants to grow you out of your own "uugh" and into the peace and the purpose that He has for you.
So, while self-promotion will always be laced with some "uugh",
my love for Christ and His enthusiasm to use me will override it. I realize that
what I have to offer isn’t for everyone and I’m okay with that. But for those of you who do want that
transformation, peace, and clarity, I’m here for YOU!
In April I saw this encouragement on Jennie Allen’s
Instagram page: My first blog was called:
Untangling God and Ponytails (And had 10 followers). My first Bible Study
(Stuck) was originally called: God and your Emotions (and had clip art flowers
on it.) Just start. Do it cheesy. Do it
messy. Just do what you are built to do
and have fun growing up in it!
So, that’s what I’m doing.
Zechariah 4:10 says: Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin. As
my website grows I want to grow with it; I want YOU to grow with it too. The website is really only a delivery vehicle
for the resources and tools God has given me to share.
Ultimately, I want to be a part of deepening your walk with
God and shaping your heart through truths that He has revealed to me along the
way. God has built me to make a difference in the Difference Makers and, at this time in my life, He has chosen to emboldened my voice. So world, hold on
to your ears because I’m told I don’t need a microphone!
PONDER
Ponder your voice: What dreams or situations stifle your
voice? What area(s) of your life does God
embolden your voice? Does your voice
bless others or does it pull others down?
WITNESS
Who’s voice do you admire most? What message are they sharing with the world?
(This can help
identify your passion.)
ACTION
Is God calling you to be obedient and to just take the next
step in something? If so, what is that
next step? Seek wise counsel, identify God’s timing and trust Him if He calls
you to step out into it.
SCRIPTURE
Serve only the Lord your God and fear him alone.
Obey his commands, listen to his voice,
and cling to him.
But Samuel replied, “What is more pleasing to the Lord:
your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Listen! Obedience is better
than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.
Listen to my voice in
the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait
expectantly.
Morning, noon, and night I cry out in my distress, and
the Lord hears my voice.
I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy.
1 Cor 12:7 (Msg)
Each person is given something to do that shows who God is.
I don’t really understand myself,
for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I
hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is
wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So
I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
18 And I know that nothing good lives
in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[d] I want to do what is right, but
I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t.
I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. 20 But
if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin
living in me that does it.
21 I have discovered this principle
of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is
wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart.23 But
there is another power[e] within me that is at war with
my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh,
what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated
by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in
Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey
God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.
As a certified Christian Life Coach, I can help you move from where you are to where God wants you to be. If God is calling you to step out of your comfort zone, then let’s chat. I’d love to be your champion in what He is calling you to do!
#Karynisms #EQCoachKaryn #CoachKaryn #EQandJesus #obedience #myvoice #witnessandponder #uugh #selfpromotion #smallbeginnings #Christianlifecoaching
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